18.How to Enjoy Your Fears 4 – How to Dominate Your Fears and Phobias

16) Sweet Talk Habit
From time to time, list down ways on how to communicate politely. There are good books on public relations in the market. There’s always a nicer way of saying things. As you list down the ways, practice them regularly in front of the mirror. Then apply them in actual situations, whether with pleasant or difficult people. Make this a lifestyle.

APPLICATION: A positively motivated sweet talk can influence even the most fearsome people on earth. Do not flatter. By sweet-talking a person, you are making him agree with your views without being obvious. It often appears that you are the one agreeing with him. When you are very gentle and sincere in the way you talk, you can easily persuade or dissuade people, even the most unreasonable ones. Then imagine the joy of influencing and convincing the people you fear. It’s like Dr. Frankenstein being able to control the deadly monster he has created.

17) Self-Rewarding Habit
Make it a habit to treat yourself with simple rewards. Do something challenging with the promise that you will reward yourself when it is accomplished.
For instance, if you fear darkness, keep yourself in a very dark room alone for 30 minutes. When it is done, give another 30 minutes. Tell yourself that instead of just a cone of ice cream for the first 30 minutes, you will treat yourself to an appetizing buffet if you accomplish it in an hour.

If you fear open high places, climb up a 5-storey building then look outside a window. Then climb up another five steps and look outside a window, with the promise that you will buy yourself a new shirt or dress. Then climb another five steps, and treat yourself with new shoes once you’ve accomplished it.

APPLICATION: Winning over your fears means facing the truth. Truth alone can cure fears. As you reward yourself whenever you expose yourself to truth, re-education happens. Education principles are reward and punishment principles. Good performance is given high grades and recognition. As you expose yourself to your fears and get rewarded for the bravery, a deep learning happens. This way of winning over your fears enables you to enjoy your fears as you master them.

18) Mock Challenge Habit
As you do the Self-Rewarding Habit, like the exposure to total darkness, challenge yourself with a mock. A mock is a strong prodding that challenges your guts.

For instance, as you remain in darkness for 30 minutes, tell yourself from time to time, ―Thirty minutes? Do you mean this is a challenge? Even a child could do this!‖

Then for the other 30 minutes, tell yourself, ―So you do it for an hour. No big deal! Piece of cake! Shame on you if you back out of this!‖

APPLICATION: You need some pushing forward to go nearer your fears so you can face them properly. It’s like a man who is blindfolded and prodded with the tip of a sword to make him go forward the edge of a diving board that looks out to the sea. The enjoyable thing about this is that the humor keeps the stress off the challenge. Yet, it is still very persuasive.